Reading through various blogs has gotten me thinking about the type of women who are attracted to men who want to, or eventually do, become women. Is there a common denominator? Do we seek something we aren't even aware of? Is there a commonality to us or to our partners/spouses?
One thing that seemed to be a common thread in the posts I've read is that the "men" we have chosen as our spouses probably have similar characteristics. I would describe my spouse as: Thoughtful, understanding, sympathetic, kind, gentle and easy to talk to. I haven't read anything to the contrary so far for others. Maybe there are others out there who are different, but I don't see someone who might (or do) transition as being chauvinistic or having typical "male" characteristics.
So, do we spouses/girlfriends of the MTF have things in commen? It seems maybe we do. What could some of those things be?
Are we a bit on masculine side? By that I mean strong, independent, less emotional. Do we tend to be in control a bit more in the relationship? Do we allow our significant others to do typical "female" roles like dishes or laundry? Did we even realize that? Do we tend to dispute the role of the typical female?
What about sex? Did we choose someone less sexually charged than past relationships? Why? Were we hurt in the past and sick of the typical relationship? Did we change a past pattern to become more emotionally stable?
I think something we spouses/partners of MTF might experience sometimes is a threat to our own femininity while trying to not be the stereotype of what a "woman" is. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but it's how I feel sometimes. I'm not a woman who likes makeup or shopping, I like to have the same rights and opportunities as men do, but I also want to feel feminine sometimes. It's confusing when all of a sudden your spouse wants to be your wife/girlfriend. I don't like to be a typical "woman", but I still have the feelings of a woman.
What does that make us in the relationship? Are we the "men" in the relationship? Do we now have to be more emotionally detached or take more control? What if we want to feel sexy and womanly? Is that a threat or insult our spouses if we do? When I'm told that no matter how sloppily I'm dressed or hair thrown up in a messy bun (without any attempt to look feminine) that my spouse is jealous of what I have, it makes me a bit uncomfortable. When she is trying so hard to be or feel like I can be anytime I want, it makes me feel guilty that I don't try harder with my feminine side. At the same time, I don't want to feel uglier than the other girl(s) in the room. Bitchy, yes, but it's true. No woman wants to be the ugliest girl in the room. I don't like that competitive feeling I sometimes have with other women, now I'm having it a little bit with my spouse. When she is getting dressed, I feel like I at least have to make myself somewhat presentable. Maybe that will change over time.
I'm not trying to portray any of us in one light, I know each of our situations is different. I am simply fascinated by psychology and human behavior. Is there something that might have drawn us to our partners and them to us?
I'm more curious than anything on this post. I would love to hear any comments or thoughts on things we spouses/girlfriends or the transitioning partners might have in common.
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