I wrote last time about my depression and that I was getting back on meds. Since then, things have opened up for me in a way they haven't in years. Why do those of us who need these meds think that we can cope with life without them? I suppose for myself, I thought my depression was mostly due to specific situations when I needed the additional help of medication. Maybe that was true, maybe I was kidding myself. Yes, I have triggers that make me more prone to the "super depression" that I feel, but I had to face the fact that I might just need them to keep my brain in line.
Since the last post, I have opened up to my spouse more than I ever have. I have started to open up to other people too. It's a bit scary at first, but what I've found is that the people I have struggled the most to connect with in the past are the people who I have started connecting with in a way I never have before.
What I have found is that the people who I have had the most conflict in my day to day life might be struggling with the same issues I am. By that I mean that they might also be dealing with anxiety and depression. The more I opened up about what I was going through, the more they opened up and started having more compassion for me and also revealing some of the same things about themselves. It was really strange. I really thought some of these people hated me, but what I realized is that we had such similar issues and maybe we fed off of the negativity of each other, possibly we were angry at what we recognized in each other. By expressing my feelings and vulnerabilities, they seemed to react with genuine care that I didn't think they actually felt for me. I found the same compassion for them in return.