I've been thinking a lot about what my purpose in life is. What purpose do I, in particular, serve to this world? Then that gets me thinking about what my purpose might be in the trans* community.
I am not a mother, I'm not a teacher in a scholastic sense. I've never graduated with a degree from a college. (I have attended many times but simply ran out of money to finish.) My job entails helping people, but in a kind of superficial sense. Nothing extraordinary or profound. So...what do I give to the world and should I be doing more?
My spouse and I have talked about this on a number of occasions. Could part of my/our purpose be the relationship we have with transgender issues? Could we possibly be advocates or "spokeswomen" about coping with transition from both perspectives? We are both very empathetic people and also have strong convictions about certain issues. We both believe in an individual's rights to be who they are, no matter what others think of them, as long as you aren't hurting anyone else. We both realize that there are people who will never agree with our points of view, but there might be some people who could be enlightened by our experiences if they are open-minded.
I find myself commenting on blogs from trans people (mainly trans women) just trying to help them see that there are people out there who will accept them for who they are. It breaks my heart to see despair that they will never find someone who could accept them. We are out there. I want to let them know that. I also want to offier their partners someone to talk to and the chance to be a part of a wonderful Facebook group I'm a part of which is private and just for us partners/spouses who are supportive of the transition. Connecting with the other wives/partners of transitioning people has helped me tremendously in my understanding of my own feelings. We are respectful of the times we get frustrated and just need to "vent" but also offer helpful advice on different ways to approach communication or simply accept the process.
Have I actually helped anyone? I don't know, but I feel like I should try. I find myself staying up far too late, just trying to find someone I can help who is suffering through something we have experienced to let them know they aren't alone. Why do I obsess about that? Do my comments make a difference? You never know. Sometimes one comment can lift you up or inspire you to keep going. Maybe it's my own ego wanting to be a part of the community in any way I can or maybe it is a way to try and understand my spouse better.
Where does it go from here? Do I pursue being an advocate for supporting transgender issues as a non-trans* person? Would that do any good? Does anyone really care about my perspective?
I started this blog mainly as therapy for myself. It has done me a lot of good actually, so I don't regret anything I've written. It's helped me discover many things about myself and helped me gain confidence in my relationship as well as making me really start looking at who I am deep down. I make a conscious effort to try and find the silver lining in my situation, especially with my writing. Does that actually translate to anyone else?
Yes!!
ReplyDeleteDo not underestimate how helpful it is to read partners blogs who have stayed and have worked through the issues they had. It gives hope to those transitioners who are still hoping and praying that marriages survive.
Keep writing !
Thank you! I am always available via email if anyone does not want their questions / comments made public. That is exactly what I did when the idea of a full transition came about. I emailed a woman who had been through the entire process. I created an anonymous email so my true identity wasn't known. It wasn't so much that I was embarrassed, but that my spouse was not ready to be "out" and I wanted to respect that privacy above all. She really helped me so much, not only in her advice but just being able to express what I was feeling and not feeling completely alone.
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