It occurred to me since the beginning of my spouse's transition from male to female how hard this must have been before the internet and social media. Not just for the person who is transitioning, but for the spouse or significant other of someone going through a transition.
Where in the world would people find information about this subject before the internet? Where would spouses find support from others going through the same thing? It would be nearly impossible. What did people do before the internet? I'm of the era where I didn't grow up with any internet access. There just wasn't such a thing until I was pretty much an adult. (As much as an 18 year old is an adult :) )
I'm so incredibly thankful that there is a network now where people can share information and be a part of social media groups with people from all over the country, or even other parts of the world. What we spouses are going through is such a unique and lonely feeling sometimes. As much as friends and family try and understand, there is nothing that compares to sharing these feelings and experiences with others who actually have experienced the same thing.
Yes, our transitioning partners also need their own groups. There are many more of those out there on the internet than support groups or blogs from the other perspective of a significant other or spouse. (I'm going to use "spouse" from here on out so I don't have to continue to write Spouse or Significant Other / Partner)
I'm not sure if the lack of support or writing from our perspective as spouses is because we don't reach out with social media, or if there are just so few of us out there that are supportive of our spouses. Are we that unique? Are so many of us too afraid to reach out or write about it? Are there so few of these type of relationships that last? I'd be very interested to learn more about that.
If it is the case that most spouses are too afraid to communicate about it for fear of being "found out," how can we engange them to talk about their own issues? Everything that's put out there on the internet is able to be "found out" in some way, right? How can they feel safe? If you Facebook someone as a friend, who might question you on who that person is? If you post on a blog, who can find out? It's definetly scary.
For me, I was very afraid at first to put anything about my real self out there. I didn't want anyone to accidentally find out who my spouse was before she was ready to reveal it. So I made up a fake name and email account, mainly to protect her identity. That worked for me to feel free enough to speak my mind and only tell specific people what my alternate identity was on social media. Now, I really don't care so much. This blog is still fairly anonymous, but those who have accepted me in Facebook groups now have my real identity.
What's my point? If you are a spouse / partner, or even the person going through a transition, don't be afraid to reach out. If you aren't comfortable at first putting your own information out there, you can always create an alternate version of yourself that doesn't necessarily identify you to people you might not want to know about you quite yet. Just reach out. It could be helpful and you might find support and friends you never would have found otherwise.
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