Change is a comin'

I haven't posted in awhile, but we've been busy...

My spouse saw the doctor a few weeks ago to get her started on hormone replacement therapy.  So far, it is just testosterone blockers.  It was an anxious but wonderful experience.  Anxious for both of us whether or not any type of hormone therapy would actually start or not.  Once it was determined that she could begin the hormone therapy, it was a huge relief for both of us.

I feel like I am coping with this very well, but there are some concerns I have.  I feel like a person with multiple personalities at times...happy/excited/scared...all at once.  I am excited for my spouse to get to feel any changes that might come from getting to experience female hormones.  The smoothing of the skin, the lowering of testosterone, the changes that will happen in the body.  What a wonderful thing for her to get to feel the way she has always felt!

I am nervous about these changes too.  Ugh...female hormone swings.  I know those well and I'm not sure how my spouse will deal with the inexplicable feelings.  "Why are you crying?"  "I don't know!" Those kind of things.  Dealing with female hormones is no picnic and I just dread having to deal with someone going through that for the first time and not being able to console them.  It's kind of an inconsolable thing.  It's so personal for each woman that I don't know how it will feel for her and I'm afraid I will either be too dismissive of it or too sensitive to it that I won't be the type of comfort she needs.

It sounds weird, but I'm looking forward to her having her own girlfriends to vent to in these new times coming up.   I was jealous at the thought at first, but now am really looking forward to her having other bonds with women who aren't related to me or friends with me too.  She needs her own people to vent to and bond with in the way all of us women do.  I genuinely trust her and our relationship and have let go of the notion that I should be the only one she can emotionally bond with.  That was difficult.  I have never been able to do that before with any other person I have had a romantic relationship with.

The strangest thing for me now is that I feel so calm about everything and really feel like I have come to terms with what our new future will be.  I am allowing myself to enjoy the moments, feel the love around me and express myself.  I'm feeling hopeful again and more in love every day with my spouse.  I'm ready to be engaged in life again, not just "deal" with life as it comes.